To open this blog I would like to bring you to my level.

Do you ever wonder why you are the way you are today? We all think we know, but the reality of it is a lot more complex. Have you any idea why you don't like certain people? Its interesting to me as I walk around this town and study these people in my environment.. We are but a product of our environment, but only to a point. Do we judge the way we do because of where
we live? There is nothing in this town to do for the younger generation, if there were would there be as much harsh judgements passed? I moved to Las Vegas and experienced a complete different kind of people. Here in St. George you see how important someones image is, you can see all these labels and brands. In Vegas you are just another speck of sand, no better than
the next. If your a pretty girl, wait 5 minutes and a prettier one will walk by. It's interesting how people in St. George hold themselves to a level they are not worthy of. I don't mean to sound rude, but who are you to think you are better than that girl wearing clothes from Deseret Industries? Why do people care so much about what other people think? I guess that's
just how the world works, but I will explain why I think, live, and treat people the way that I do.
Growing up I didn't have much, but what I did have was the unconditional love from my mother. She wasn't always around, but when she was I remember feeling the warmth of her heart vibes. I grew up around drugs, alcohol, abuse, hate, fighting, cops being called, never having what the rich families or even what the well off families had. I never understood the
importance of school, being forgiving, being trustworthy, being family oriented, or being happy all the time. I was used to moving from place to place every few months and never being completely happy. Before I was 8 years old I knew more than most normal 18 year old know about how ugly and hard this life could be. I was 9 years old the day I convinced a 19 year old
neighbor of ours that I was 12 and had already gone through puberty. I sat for a couple hours with her and talked about life and the struggles of everyday living. She was convinced that I was the worlds smallest 12 year old. I remember being grounded for months at a time because my step dad did not want me to leave the house. If I did one little thing out of line I would be locked away almost like I was in a dungeon.. I always thought maybe I was a princess and one day
my prince would come slay my step dad and save me from this dark world I was trapped in. I hated life and I hated drugs. I remember my older brother and I putting on 3 pairs of sweat pants at a certain time of day because we knew our step dad was going to come up and beat us. He got pleasure out of seeing us in pain... I remember living in Vegas for a small amount
of time with my mom and her boyfriend. I thought he was a diamond because he had so much money and showered us with gifts. I wasn't even old enough to drive and I was driving around his brand new Range Rover with hydraulics around Vegas and the strip. I remember the look in peoples eyes, they thought I was so cool and it felt good. I remember how that light at the end
of the tunnel (for once in my life) turned to darkness in a matter of weeks. To explain all that happened would be too painful for my mother to read so I will just say that I have met Satan himself. We ended up in a homeless shelter one night and I would always keep my organizer with all my songs and poems I had written in it. Everywhere I went I made sure it was
with me, it was my comfort blanket. I left that blanket under the bed at the shelter when we left for breakfast.. We walked across the road and stood in line for food with everyone. I remember looking down at my little brother wishing and praying that I could shelter him from this, but I couldn't I was too young. I didn't know what to do other than stand in that line and wait for food with my mom and little brother. To this day it is hard for me to write poetry or songs after I lost that blanket, I am constantly missing it and knowing that I could have written an award winning book about my life and adventures had I not lost it. I guess it wasn't meant to be and I can accept that. All these things are but a small portion of my life stories and crazy places I have been and seen. I look at life as layers, no not like an onion (for my shrek lovers). Maybe the best way to explain it is levels, there are 3 levels in my world. The lower level where people stay by choice, by addiction, or simply by no willingness to seek a better existence. All you do is drink beer, smoke weed, do drugs, on unemployment not trying to find a job, mad at the
world, no drive, no discipline, no love, no care in the world, and no respect for yourself or others.
The second level is tricky, not everyone in this level is here by choice or by no motivation. This level is the children that live in drug infested homes, hear fighting constantly, are sexually, verbally, mentally, and physically abused. No love or affection in their life. No one to care about them. Adults who have lost their careers, their homes, and families. The people who have what it takes to have a better life, but would rather party a few more years until they decide they want to save their money for something other than recreational drugs, beer, and or things they really
don't need. People who do not educate themselves because they were pushed too hard as a child by their parents to be who their parents wanted them to be and never figured out who they really are. People who go to church on Sunday and pretend to be a saint to the people around them and go home and live a separate life. Lastly, the rich families who are selfish and
who boast about what they have and what others do not. The ones who look down on you instead of trying to help you up. The families that would shatter to pieces without the funds in their bank accounts. The people who have turned this country into what it is today. The selfish, judgemental, stingy, un appreciative ones.Not all of the people on this level can help being
here and 1/4 of these people are working so hard to get to a higher level, but sadly most of them are not trying at all. The top level (in my opinion) is where people understand how hard this life is. Wise people who are willing to look past the brands, the outer beauty, the worldly things in this life. The parents who give everything they can to their children, teach them valuable lessons, and show affection to their children. The people who give to others just because they love to see that tear of joy or that smile. The people who might not have the most money, but have the most valuable things in their lives (family, trust, respect, discernment, genuine care for others, goals, and a purpose). Not all these people have kids, or big families. Most of these people do not have much money, they do not have all the golds and silvers in life. They are
the people who are beautiful inside and people who have learned valuable life lessons. They make mistakes, but they learn from them. They choose to stay home with their children instead of go out and party, even when they need a night out. They attract other good people and make this world a better place. They understand the importance of service and they don't
make excuses as to why they cannot help another person in need. They are good friends, strong spirits, loving parents, faithful companions, positive thinkers, they pull everyone up that is struggling to climb that latter to this level. These people are not perfect, although I may have made them sound that way. They are fighters, they fight everyday to keep
themselves in this place. A good example of a person on this level is my dear mother, she is amazing. She has come from the bottom level all the way to the top. She is a daughter of God and a proud one at that. She is wonderful mother, friend, daughter, sister, aunt, cousin, fiance, and most of all grandma! She is a great example of what I try to tell people all the
time. " I know life is hard, I have been through hell. I know life can hurt, I have felt excruciating pain from it, I know people can be cruel, Ive been cast out. I know you think I don't have a clue, I have been there before. Maybe and hopefully one day you will see, after you turn 18 you can transform your life and make it better. You can handle anything that comes
your way or it wouldn't. Don't blame your life and they way it turned out on your past. I could have turned out one of the most evil, angry, and dark people in this world, but I am the complete opposite and it's not a mask. This is me, I am happy! I thought I would be better off dead at one point because that's how bad things were for the majority of my life, then one day.... I said
I said enough is enough, just like my mother, just like all the rest of you soldiers. God does not give us anything we cannot handle so if you think life cannot get any worse and things will never ever get better, then you're right! Only you can change
yourself and your life. Only you can find true happiness, you need to be strong and fight through this life. When you finally reach that top level you will no longer judge, think you are better than other people, you wont have time. You will be too busy admiring this beautiful life you have been given and appreciate life for what it is (what you have made it). This is why
I look at life the way that I do and although I make mistakes, and always will, I know that things will work themselves out and that everything will be okay. Things will never be as bad as they were as I was growing up, I am thankful for the roof over my head, living in a safe and drug free home, and having a BEAUTIFUL son who will never ever experience what I had to.
I am so glad that I can change the vicious cycle and raise him the absolute best way that I know how to. So before you judge, look down on someone, or envy someones life.. First think of whats missing in your life and fix it.
Love Chantal, stay beautiful.